So... A lot has happened. The exams have gone... horrible, and I will probably won't go to college. I haven't decided yet. I am not joking by the way. I've never had, but I just say things sometimes and never do, so it's obvious. I don't know what to do. I just don't know how to cope, how to deal with my own stupidity, my own failure. I've failed everybody. I always do, I always do, I always fail everybody. I'm kinda used to it, in fact, but it still hurts. I don't know how to let out everything. And I guess that's why I lust, why I feel the need to kill myself. It's just too much to deal with. I'll make a new entry later
A month without updates, huh?
Well, I've been busy, like always. In reality, I've been slacking a lot. I'm going to TRY to write an entry tonight.
Okay, my suicidal thoughts have gone away. One last thing about the blackout, isn't it coincidental that the president's brother was accused of corruption the same morning of the blackout? I think it was too coincidental, that the blackout may be an inside job to "obscure" the president's brother case.
Today seemed like a normal day. I mean, to me it feels like the perfect moment to continue with my diary, after all, I don’t feel like studying history right now.
I woke up feeling awful, depressed, while my dad was singing “Lava Chicken” from the Minecraft movie. I felt frustrated, annoyed at the world for some reason. I went to school, like always, but I was unfocused all day, depressed. I talked to Violet about it, and I think I only ended up making her feel bad, and on the other hand, Nagisa seemed upset with GlaDOS, and he called me an asshole all day. Me, as usual, stuck with my suicidal thoughts and all that, but whatever. Not much of interest happened until fourth period.
It was just before fifth period started. Suddenly, the school's power went out. We're somewhat used to that since there are idiots who stick metal objects into the outlets to shut down the school. But this was different.
In fifth period we saw two things, linguistic varieties and inclusive language. Congratulations to the teacher for tackling such a controversial topic and staying neutral without giving political opinions.
Anyway, in sixth period they handed out our Physics grades. I failed again, after having passed the last one. And that’s when I definitely decided I wanted to kill myself. But then the principal came in and told us the school was closing for the day and we could go home. People were surprised because we thought it was just us, but I was apathetic, until she said the blackout could last up to 48 hours. Suddenly, I felt like I was back in the pandemic, and I had a bad feeling that this would drag on. A cyberattack? How could that be? Even though I'm a libertarian and don't trust governments, what could they have done? Take down a website? Infiltrate? In a government? Nothing made sense.
She told us to leave, and as the good school lovers we are, we left immediately. When we got out, my original plan was to go to Violet’s house, for two main reasons. First, I didn’t have keys and couldn’t communicate with my dad because communications were down. Second, if I went home, I thought I'd end up jumping, because of the Physics grade. Then, Nagisa suggested we go to our little siblings’ school down the street, and I decided to go with him to pick them up and stay together.
Walking down the street, Nagisa and I started joking around about the situation. It's kind of natural for us, and it helps keep the nerves in check. Stuff like World War III, being drafted, atomic bombs, those kinds of things. When we got to the school, the man at the entrance explained the situation again and told us not to worry, the kids were in the cafeteria. We turned around to head back, and I ran into the mother of my sister’s cousin, who told me my dad was looking for me. So I told Nagisa, and we went back up. Nagisa said goodbye to me at the bus stop and I managed to get back home.
My dad was waiting for me, along with my sister. I gave him a quick rundown of what had happened and we looked for news on the radio, which was the only thing still working. Then he sent me around the neighborhood to look for bread at the Chinese shops.
I went around to five Chinese shops and one bakery, and there was no bread. It had vanished, disappeared. I saw how potato chips, candy, and pizzas were being left aside in favor of cans, batteries, all kinds of bread, and to a lesser extent, candles and beers, which I found curious, that sudden shift in priorities. When I entered the bakery, a lady was complaining about the society we’re building. My libertarian side came out, but I didn’t say much. I told the baker that "it sold like hotcakes, no pun intended," and bought some cans of fabada and stew. Then I went back home and started writing this, but I stopped and went to sleep for a while, since if the power comes back, I have a history exam.
It’s 11:14 PM on April 28th as I’m writing this. I still feel like jumping, but oh well. I grabbed my radio watch and started listening to what they were saying, including Pedrito’s statement. I’m still really scared, especially after the data they shared. 15GW of power lost in 5 seconds... I speak from suspicion, but it’s way too much to be just an accident, and if it is, the level of incompetence we have is unbelievable. The military is out in the streets, and I’m writing by candlelight. All this only brings back memories of Venezuela.
Damned be the state
This blackout shows us just how absolutely weak and incompetent the Spanish government is. The mere fact that this could happen is unthinkable, but the fact that it actually did happen is something in itself. It makes no sense, and the lack of information only makes things worse. If Spain were a Latin American country, the population would have gone crazy due to the insecurity that would flood the streets—in that regard, our people can consider themselves lucky.
From this super blackout we can learn two lessons. First, if the rumors about a cyberattack are true, we must recognize how absolutely crucial cybersecurity has become. Suing companies like Cloudflare should be left in the past; after all, it's companies like those that defend us against these situations. I doubt anyone will question their usefulness or side with those who see them as a threat again. In fact, it's likely that cybersecurity will expand or that a separate cybersecurity section under the wing of the CNI will be created.
On the other hand, despite the government's assurances that their response will be appropriate, I feel a sense of déjà vu. I think the response will be inadequate and that, even so, there will be no consequences or backlash. This is why I advocate for privatizations and for private control of companies. If electric companies weren’t so tightly tied to the state (practically forming a lobby), they would compete freely and, therefore, have much better security. Also, prices would drop (since companies would seek the most efficient way to produce energy), and service quality would improve.
We assume that the state seeks what's best for us, but nothing could be further from the truth. As students know, bad teachers keep getting paid even if we do poorly—why would subsidized electric companies be any different? They have no incentive to provide the best service, and that only changes by liberalizing the market.
So, who am I? Who am I...? Uhm, I should start with my name. Hi, my name is Alex. I'm a Venezuelan in Spain, and I want to study Game Development. I'm also a libertarian (I love politics, yes, I know, it's silly), and a music lover. I love philosophy and I'm trying to develop my own. I would say that I am the worst person that has ever lived, but my friends would call me intelligent, silly and a bit tad annoying, apart from creative, and probably depressed.
I think that tells you enough about me, I guess.